Grace Zhao
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December 5, 2022
Uncategorized
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a week unemployed in jersey

Inspired by refinery29’s Money Diary series, here is my homemade week (not including some details since this is not anonymous).

Day one

4:22am
Nightmare jolts me awake and it’s too early to be awake so I go back to sleep.

9:52am
Slept past my alarms but decide to stay awake. Answer some texts and get ready for the day.

10:28am
Check my HSA to make sure I have enough money to buy some nausea bands.

10:48am
I finished my purchase and leave the store. I decided against the brand-name because it was $18 as opposed to $9 to $12 at other places. So I got the generic CVS brand even though I was paying with my HSA but it was only $12 and I realize my insurance might have had some savings with CVS, but I was plenty happy to just use the generic brand. After all it should just be a piece of metal and some fabric right?

3:10pm
Just got home after aerial yoga and lunch. Unclear if the nausea bands worked.. I felt alright and then suddenly violently nauseous during class, but it seemed to work up until then. Aerial yoga poses upright I am able to do decently, but any inversions I am much more sensitive to. I work up some sweat but go directly to lunch at Rai Rai Ramen to meet up with my friend from college K. We’re good friends who meet up to catch up everytime I am in town or she comes to visit me. We chat as we split some gyoza for an appetizer and fill up on tasty broth and noodles. We stay a bit longer after we finish since we went for a late lunch and the place isn’t busy. $21

I notice quite a bit of activity on my phone while I’m eating, including some updates on a trip I’m taking next week with some friends but I ignore it mostly before it’s time to leave. It’s always such a lovely time spent with my friend K and we discuss potentially meeting up to ice skate later in the week as well or during the holidays.

Before I heard home, I tell my friend J that I’ll be home soon if she’d like to come over to do work. It’s time for me to respond to my texts, finish some volunteer work for my non profit (we’re doing a fundraiser for Giving Tuesday tomorrow), and quickly polish off my resume to send to a kind past manager at her current job.

4:05pm
I took some time to read texts and get back to people but also peeped at the colourpop sales… always beautiful and tempting but I’ll wait until after xmas for any shopping for myself. I also have no need for makeup since I have brand new products that I haven’t even started to use waiting for me. Time to make a list and finish working.

5:33pm
Some solid progress made on the actual work I need to get done, but more social plans made for tomorrow. Weird how plans all happen at once or never at all.

8:15pm
My bestie J came over and we did work for a while, then we went to assist my parents make homemade dumplings (spot the power word from resume building!) We made dumplings and ate them simultaneously. my parents insisted that we ate more as we were stuffed. Now we’re back to doing some work before the night ends.

9:05pm
My laptop is laggy and it’s prob from the bajillion tabs of money diaries I have open, so I’m reading a bunch to close some tabs out.

10:16pm
Finished making some reels and additional nonprofit items. Just waiting to see if my mentor has the energy to give me access to something else so that I can send some promotional material on the org’s behalf. Absolutely ready to finish the night off after this. I did a small load of laundry today, so looking forward to folding it and getting into bed.

11:14pm
Face washed (fenty total skin cleans’r travel size that I’m trying to finish), toner applied (Thayer rose petal witch hazel, I put it in a 1oz spray bottle from an old bottle that I cleaned and reused, the mist is so fine and fast for application), real clothes off, pjs on.

I changed when I got home and did laundry so I could wash my workout clothes. I thought I brought more with me from my apartment but unfortunately I didn’t. I bought so much activewear in college (now 4-5+ years ok) that are still in great quality and I don’t wear as much because I’m not as active anymore, so I like to use what I have whenever I can. 

11:43pm
Finally in bed, adding small items to my to do list for tomorrow so they’re not rattling around in my brain when I’m trying to sleep. it’s late but not late for me. Deciding if I should try to be good and listen to a sleep meditation before I fall asleep (using a free trial of headspace, I love their app so much) or indulge in youtube or a comfort anime until I fall asleep.

Daily Total: $21

Day two

12:38am
I ended up watching some of the comfort anime after listening to new music and reading the lyrics. Finally feel sleepy and fall asleep around 1.

9:47am
I woke up earlier but kept hitting snooze, rolling over, and falling back asleep. I slept in until now which is not bad for me (sometimes when I sleep in, it can go up to 12 hours). Got up and chugged some water since the air was so dry. Still in bed but messing around with my phone. I know it’s not the healthiest way to wake up, but it’s the sure fire way to get my brain awake without going through the motions.

10:44am
I’m dressed and solved the problem of getting a gift for my roommate and best friend since high school S. ($37.35 but I earned a gift card! with literal sweat through my insurance health app. so $12.35) On days when I’m active (I am very active these days thanks to a forgotten trial turned subscription into classpass), my outfits are not my best I’ll admit, but who cares. I have my thrifted joggers, socks from Costco, sports bra that I picked up from Walmart while on a van trip a year ago, free tank top from college, and a crewneck from a job I used to work at (company swag). same simple “makeup” routine for today: supergoop unseen sunscreen, some brow gel from colourpop, and some milk makeup kush lip balm (almost finished with two tubes! I think milk makeup discontinued it already… I try my darnedest to finish as much makeup as I possibly can without using truly expired products). I decide against curling my hair today but apply some kristin ess style reviving dry shampoo (love this after my stylist recommended it).

I’m going to feed myself an apple and a croissant with some misc charcuterie, all from costco before hitting my to do list that I created yesterday.

12:09pm
I decide to buy a ticket in advance for an event that my friends and I are going to for a birthday celebration in two weeks. I paid $6.44 instead of $10 at the door!

3:01pm
Had two calls wrap up faster than expected! Both lovely. Texted a previous manager out of inspiration from the last two calls and it turned into better than I expected because now we’ll catch up on Friday!

5:57pm
Just left my friend A’s new apartment. We caught up for about an hour and a half and then walked to his place that he moved into. It was really great to catch up and talk about all the things that happened to us in detail, we realized we haven’t met up for probably over a year. We got Mexican food and a drink each during happy hour, I barely drank half my drink but it was only $6 total so I felt like I left only $3. Parking wasn’t too expensive on the street either ($3.35) so just letting the alcohol I chugged go through me before I leave. Being such a lightweight, i should not have drank at all, but I was so tempted after my friend also got a drink. Now I just have to sober up a bit before I drive to my fitness class.

9:10pm
I called my bf T to kill time until my parking meter ran out of time and talked to him on the way home. We’re unfortunately long distance and he’s sick these past few days and has to fend for himself. I went home between meeting up and my flexibility class, and my mom was being nosy so I withheld the information of who I met up with. I checked up on how giving day was going (25% to our goal!!) before catching up a bit with one of my long distance friends E, and then rushing to my class.

Upon returning home, I tucked into a bowl of turkey soup with bamboo and soy bean skin. My mom has gotten even with me by putting slivers of ginger in this soup, very difficult to detect with everything else and exploding with the sharpness once bitten into.

I’m an extroverted introvert, so today was quite a bit mentally. I’m thinking about ending the day early for myself and going to bed.

9:25pm
Just kidding! my dad is headed to Shoprite for some last minute shopping and I jump at the chance for some dessert. I add some mango bubly and some reese’s dark chocolate thin peanut butter cups (balance). I asked my dad what phone number he uses for zelle to pay for gas that he paid for but he said that I could pay for gas next time as he paid for all the groceries. I did find a coupon to save $1 off the entire purchase, so I contributed a bit.

When I get home, I’ll see if I can be satisfied with a bubly or if I’ll crack into one of the reeces hehe. My dad takes a scenic route home in hopes of sighting some homes that decorate excessively for xmas. We see one but the lights are off at this time (nearly 10 now).

10:22pm 
My family’s love language is acts of service aka cut fruit so I take over cutting the papaya from my dad and slice it up nicely so the family can enjoy at their leisure. my dad says the mango bubly is good, my mom sees the reese’s dark peanut butter thins and exclaims “who bought this?? why we have so much chocolate in this household” so I take it away secretly. The bag says about 6 servings so there should be 18, but lucky me! There are 19 in there. I’m going to eat one as I continue my duolingo streak (today is day 824)

11:57pm
Caught up with friends on socials, changed into pjs, washed my face and applied toner and today also added the skin transforming pillow cream from it cosmetics (another sample that I’m trying to finish, not a big fan of this cream but I don’t want to waste since it’s not bad) chug some water and then lights out and comfort anime (isekai izakaya: japanese food from another world) before sleeping.

Daily Total: $22.14

Day three

11:21am
I woke up late (around 11?) bc it’s rainy and I was so tired. I struggle to become awake on rainy days but I believe that’s a popular phenomenon. I did immediately get out bed once I woke up. First stop was to check social media and realize that spotify wrapped had come out! My results were a little strange since I used apple music for half the year, but the important stats still came out on top, so I am pleased (all that last minute constant bts streaming brought me up). Now I can peacefully listen to all the Taylor Swift and Christmas music my heart desires (she placed #2 in my artists, that new album really slaps). Time to quickly get ready for the day (boxing class later but studying and some work otherwise). Some resources for project management came in last night so I will begin organizing that today as well as some final nonprofit giving day items.

no sunscreen today since it’s so rainy and I won’t be outside much (I know there’s still uv rays, I just don’t want to put anything on) and just another variation of the same jogger/free shirt/crewneck outfit for warmth, comfort, and functionality.

12:33pm
I ate two reese’s thins that kick started my appetite so I made myself a croissant sandwich with leftover turkey, a salami wrapped piece of mozzarella, and some fresh salad greens that my dad picked up last night. It is incredible, I heated up the meats in the croissant and then stuffed the leaves in the warm sandwich.

12:47pm
Got a text midway through my sandwich asking to talk, so I wolfed down my sandwich and took the quick call. Then my youngest sister J, sent her spotify wrapped to the sister group chat, so I also sent some of my stats. I also reheat the big vat of turkey soup to fill my stomach. Since I only eat two meals a day, I tend to eat big meals.

2:00pm
I also ate another croissant plain (but warmed) and scrolled through social media and caught up on some tiktoks my friends sent to me. No more snacks otherwise I could possibly vomit at boxing.

3:07pm
Got some nonprofit work done, now I was reminded to buy theme park tickets for the trip I have next week. I was putting off these expenses to the next month if possible, but I don’t think it can wait. originally I thought I might get unemployment so it would be ok to take the time I have and spend a bit on myself, but now I’m hesitant. however I have been saving grocery and other expenses being home for a bit. ($190.64 and $148.04)

5:39pm
Finished a kickboxing class and it was pretty good! I didn’t go extremely hard (which when I do, I havé à history of getting nauseous and vomiting as I’ve gotten older). I got charged on venmo for dinner yesterday so I sent the money over ($18.54). Time to go home and SHOWER!! I was dripping sweat multiple times during class.

9:12pm
I had fried dumplings (leftovers) with more turkey soup for dinner and ate a few more reese’s thins. Sent a few emails and arranged some meetings for my nonprofit. Finally relaxing a bit. My best friend E reminded me about the barbie movies and we decided yesterday to start marathoning them today. I haven’t seen barbie and the nutcracker in so long, so nostalgic.

Daily Total: $357.22

Day four

2:18am
We ended up watching the first three barbie movies heh. I showered in between the first and second one while she got dinner (time zones are hard). Now it is absolutely time to pass out before an early morning vertical barre class.

9:03am 
Up and at ‘em to get to my fitness class on time. To no one’s surprise I am definitely tired, but no regrets. I am surprised that I am a bit sore from boxing. Generic fitness outfit and sunscreen and eyebrows after wake up routine and then quickly rushing out to get to class on time.

10:31am
Finished vertical barre, it was fun and absolutely destroyed my legs. I also sweat so much more than I expected but it was a good workout for sure. I may end up just using the rest of my class pass credits on a nail appointment since I don’t think I can workout anymore than I planned already.

11:51am
I spent a ridiculous amount of time agonizing between using all my classpass points or leaving 1 point behind ($2) by either pushing my body so much to 3 classes or just taking a nail appointment and pulling some cash out for a tip. I ended up choosing the nail appointment… timing with the classes was getting difficult and it wouldn’t hurt to have my nails look a bit dressed up for Orlando next week. A quick croissant sandwich with the salami wrapped mozz stuffed in as I cook my own mini turkey soup (I want mine to taste stronger of turkey). I love cooking for myself so I might offer to make pasta tomorrow for lunch. Today is rent day so also gotta send the payment over today (Not including in daily total since it is a monthly expense).

3:39pm
I ended up taking a quick nap from 2:30-3:10ish. My nose is feeling stuffy and I’ve been feeling dry so started drinking some hot/warm water and ate two chewable vitamins. Just waiting for a call that was going to start at 3:30, so just anxiously sitting around. To be fair, maybe I caught a cold after sweating after the workout class and wearing very little for hours after the class.

5:11pm
The long but very informative call/meeting finishes and my nose was running the entire time, but it feels like it’s clearing up thanks to … the hot water? Eating a few reese’s and then organizing the information gathered from the call.

6:56pm
Heated up my turkey soup and made noodles separately to eat together again for an early dinner and polished it off with another honeycrisp apple from costco. 

About to watch one more barbie movie with E again (princess and the pauper, one of my faves bc it’s also a musical!!) and might indulge in some more reese’s thins. There are currently 8 left.

11:48pm
We were able to watch 2 barbie movies together (about 11 more left!) and then I spent some time watching the latest run bts episodes. It took some extra time trying to read the comments in Korean and also pausing to read the English subtitles that flashed across the screen. Since it’s so late, I also decided to stay up for rm’s new album and my bf will also listen to it with me (rm is his fav member).

Daily Total: $0

Day five

12:20am

I don’t understand everything in this album at all but I feel the emotion, why do I feel like crying? I think it’s important to listen to an album in order because it’s how the artist has decided to place everything to convey something. 

1:11am
Still awake, I have been watching rollercoaster videos in preparation for next week because I am equally terrified and excited when I watch these as opposed to strictly terrified at the parks.

9:35am
Woke up to my morning fitness class being cancelled… not mad, now I can possibly book one more fitness class and finish my last credit! And booked.

12:02pm
Slow slow start, I dozed on and off until around 11:30 when I finally got up. One more day of pure fitness clothes and tomorrow I will be doing laundry again WHILE WEARING REAL CLOTHES!! (meaning some sort of jeans and a shirt for non fitness purposes). Some sunscreen and eyebrow tint (I’ve also been alternating supergoop with lancôme uv expert aqua gel defense 50+ sunscreen, today is a supergoop day though). I also add some colourpop fresh kiss glossy lip stain since it does leave a good stain and stays MOISTURIZING instead of matte because of the glossy aspect. The stain can also be built up and layered or just applied until the gloss fades and it leaves the tint. The color I own is “the glory” that’s already discontinued since I got it on sale recently. For a liquid lip product, I’ve used a solid amount already. It’s a bit cooler toned than I would prefer (I’m a pink/brown/warm nude girlie), but the stain is so great I don’t mind. I try to limit my makeup purchases and colourpop purchases especially because colourpop has said that they wanted to be fast fashion of makeup. I think they’re much better quality for the prices they offer, but also this rush of products is unnecessary, so I really wait on making purchases from them instead of indulging like I would have 4-5 years ago. Again, I’m insistent on trying to finish whatever products I can (before expiration), hence being proud of the progress of the lip stain. Time for lunch (wonton soup).


4:18pm
It’s been very lax today, but I have started to get productive again now before my fitness class later. I somehow squirreled away time on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, but did respond to a friend who asked if they could add me as a reference. Just now, I began organizing all the project management information I needed before getting into it and began prioritizing it. Tiny bit of planning for Orlando.

8:03pm
Pole was a great class, my left shoulder feels a bit funky but not in a bad way, just odd. Again, another class where I can see the usefulness of having more upper and core strength. I was able to do a pole sit (not too well, but decent with one arm on the pole) and even better, I was able to go from a normal spin into a dip spin, that was so fun! I came back home and I was RAVENOUS. Lunch felt quite light and my dad agreed. Luckily he and my mother already were preparing items for dinner. I helped prepare some tomatoes and participated in some cooking, while also devouring some steamed eggplant tossed with vinegar/garlic/herbs and then two fresh red bean buns. Then I also scarfed down some freshly made pan fried buns (filling from the leftover filling from dumpling night earlier) and dipped some of them in the extra sauce from the eggplant dish. My mom insisted we try to make the pan fried dumpling skirt with the buns, and the second attempt was more successful, so I handled the challenge of maneuvering it to the plate. Finally I scrambled the eggs and started the tomatoes I chopped earlier to start an egg and tomato dish. Some of the seeds within the tomatoes had sprouted, I have never seen such a thing, but I took those out of the tomatoes that it applied to.

11:32pm
Showered and face washed and toned and moisturized. I’ve given up on focus today and will absolutely be successful tomorrow, no matter what. unfortunately (fortunately?) tomorrow, the weather is set to be THUNDERSTORMS, or at least rainy. I was going to try a cafe after my nail appointment, but that may change with the rain. I may try to just make some sort of instant coffee at home as well to save some funds. 

Daily Total: $0

Day six

8:54am
I slept so late and waking up hurts both from soreness and from sleeping so late. I wonder if snoozing another 5-10 minutes would be alright..

9:03am
It’s cold and dark which makes it much more harder to get out of bed.

10:34am
Classpass crédits came through and the manicure was so nice! The nail artist did a really wonderful job. Because the base cost was so low ($15 but I paid with credits about $20), I personally felt like the 20% mark would be too low and just tipped higher ($5). Since the sky is so cloudy (and rainy), the polish looks dark and gloomy, but in the light, it shimmers and sparkles and has a holographic effect. This will be perfect for the Orlando trip. Time to make myself some instant coffee.

11:54am
Also ate a red bean bun (warmed) and drinking some hot water since it’s chilly in the house. My bestie J, came over again so that we could work together and it’s proven more effective than sitting by myself at the table. So far, I’ve responded to 2 messages (one resulted in a call later today and another resulted in maybe a potential opportunity for later?) and also confirmed some meetings next week for my nonprofit. I also am answering a question someone asked me about interviewing. So far, decently productive. 

4:06pm
I had a great call with my previous manager! My departure from the company was definitely not a decision he was included in, and I think he feels worse about it than I do, so I’ve done my best to assure him that I completely understand, he’s also been so supportive still about giving any references necessary and offering his time and energy with mock interviews and anything else he/I could think of. After the call (it lasted much longer than we expected since we did quite a bit of catching up), I quickly assembled some lunch, another red bean bun for myself, half a croissant (finally finished the Costco box with my family), a slice of toast with herbed soft cheese spread, and some noodles with egg and tomato. Then back to studying before my next call.

5:42pm
Call ended at 5:15pm with a significant amount of tasks for me to get through, so I will mentally treat myself to an article after organizing some of the information and then dive into it afterwards.

Daily Total: $5

Day seven

8:54am
I woke up after sleeping around 2am (watched the latest two episodes of spy x family with my sister and then showed her the owl house where we watched nine episodes, my friend J left at around 10pm) and found out my class was canceled… usually I would rejoice and roll back over to sleep but now I have to decide what to do to use all my credits. I may purchase the lowest plan for the next month to use some more sigh. 

1:48pm
I ended up waking up right before 12pm and got up properly, but the day has had a very slow start. Since my class pass class was canceled, I scheduled to renew/continue for the next month but at the smallest amount. I also have a cash back coupon with my bank for a class pass membership purchase, so overall it should not add to much when the bill hits later in the week. I also checked in for my spirit flight for tomorrow and score! Looks like I’ll either have an aisle or window seat (preferably window seat, but this is the risk of not spending money and letting spirit airlines choose for you). I had 2 sandwiches made with the salad greens, bread from Costco, and rotisserie chicken from Costco (acquired yesterday by my parents) as well as some new turkey soup (the last of the Thanksgiving turkey!).

2:48pm
Reading through other money diaries has me idealizing how nice it would be to live with my significant other. I know it’s not always sunshine and rainbows, but it just sounds so comforting.

10:00pm
I’m exhausted, I spent a good amount of time studying and getting some work done before helping to prep dinner. Once my parents came back from running errands, they also are prepping in the kitchen and my youngest sister also is assisting. She makes the dipping sauce, I prep some cilantro, tofu, enoki mushrooms, and sweet potato for hotpot and my parents get the pot ready along with some tripe, wood ear, and pea sprouts. We usually have more food (we also have fishballs and thinly sliced beef for tonight), but with the four of us (instead of 5), we always have too much leftover, and this turns out to be a much more reasonable amount of volume of food. My sister and I split a mogu mango drink and top it off with mango bubly (the drink itself is very sweet, so I enjoy some partial dilution while also adding some carbonation). After dinner, I have a call that only lasts 30 minutes on my progress studying. My friend cannot attend Orlando last minute unfortunately, so I call my best friend J and boyfriend T to see if they can possibly fill in, but no one can do on such short notice. It’s fine, I’m honestly more sad that our friend cannot come since it would have been so fun and it’s been on our group bucketlist since 4-5 years ago. T and I caught up on some items and talked for a bit over 10 minutes which was nice. Usually we talk more throughout the week, but this week has been much more busy for me, and I tend to be the one that reaches out in this relationship. I think I’m going to begin some packing, I know I want to wash a reusable mask I have tonight so it can air dry. I have been walking around maskless more often than not (I’m vaccinated and up to date on these shots!), but I’ve thought that planes were kind of gross since pre-pandemic, so I will be masking up on the flight. I already made a list over 2 weeks ago on what to bring to Orlando since I had to bring items from the apartment to New Jersey, so this should just be some updates to the list.

11:16pm
I’m shocked that it’s 11 already.. but to be fair, 10pm was not that long ago. I’ve gathered that I need to pick up some granola bars tomorrow before I get on the plane. My mom is dropping me off at the airport so I won’t need to take the train in (I don’t mind taking the train in, it’s pretty convenient, just will cost $14, so 1-2 snack budget at Disney!) I think I’m going to call it an earlier night tonight, shower, maybe watch an episode of owl house with my sister, crash, and wake up at 8-9am to pick up goods and pack for tomorrow. I have my packing list, so all I have to do is gather the items I need and pack it away (I’ve really mastered packing and packing lightly over the past 3 years). Have a good next week!

Daily Total: $0

Weekly Total Spent: $405.36

July 25, 2023
Language Learnings
0

language learnings #2

French and Korean Formal Conjugations

Recently I have been going back to studying Korean and the grammar structure that they use.

I’ve been blessed to study French in my youth along with growing up speaking and studying a bit of Mandarin throughout my life, so studying Korean from scratch as an adult is a new experience.

I have the comprehension and studying tactics acquired from life, but not the sticky memory of anyone under 25. 

In 2021, I mastered the Korean alphabet so I have been able to read since then, but understanding and forming my own sentences is a different hurdle. 

Picking the grammar structure back up this year, I’ve been learning about the different tones of speaking such as formal, social, and very conversational. While learning about such, I realized the similarities it has with the French “vous” form. 

Within the French language, “Vous” is the formal term for “you” or addressing an audience as “you.” I have only studied French in great detail, but I understand that romance languages conjugate verbs to the nouns. “Tu” is the casual term for “you” that one would use amongst friends.

In Korean, thankfully the noun does not change, but the verb conjugation changes depending on the receiver. There is also a third layer of formality. Korea has the formal layer, the social layer, and the very casual layer (labeled as “slang” by my lesson course). 

Without having some French background, this concept may have been very new, but knowing this makes it easier to picture what circumstance to conjugate verbs and the idea of conjugating verbs per audience is no stranger to me.

January 30, 2023
Thought Piece
0

january 2023

Some quick thoughts for this month:

Reflecting upon 2022, it was a good year.

I got a job and was laid off in the same year, but I have no regrets. I was able to meet wonderful individuals and experience another company’s culture.

I made big strides in my relationship. We were able to tell our parents about our existence to each other, which to others may be casual, but to us, it’s something we weren’t able to do for so long.

I was able to spend time with my friends and loved ones. This year with all the vaccinations, we slowly began socializing again, and wow. It felt so good to be surround in person with the people you love.

In 2023, I am gripping life by the throat and unabashedly chasing dreams and holding everyone I love even closer and fiercely moving forward. 

I’ll be another year older soon, and I think both 7 year old and 17 year old grace are be proud of who I am.

June 14, 2022
Thought Piece
0

summertime solace

(i’m not actually sad in any way at all)

i just didn’t understand in my earlier years, how adults could just sit outside and do…. nothing. i would get restless, i’d need to something while being outside. 

this year it’s definitely changed. i actively seek out the sun and to simply lounge and absorb the rays (with SPF of course).

something about the weather being warmer… it brings me peace to simply exist. it is enough to simply be.

am i just more tired now? do i appreciate the peace and normality more? i hope it is just the latter. either way, i’ll be going back to simply enjoying the atmosphere with some good music. i almost feel like i’m in a movie, maybe that’s part of the charm. i love the summer. the only way this could be better is to sit in silence in this amazing weather with companions. it feels good to be alive right now. simply waiting for the sun to set and enjoying the show. summer is golden and this is why.

something to remember when winter comes back inevitably. 

May 30, 2022
Language Learnings
0

language learnings

As someone who grew up speaking English and Mandarin, studied some elementary Mandarin in Chinese school (but only a few years), formally learned French from middle school to college, and started learning Korean as an adult, I’ve had an interesting range of experiences that sometimes crossover or I just have stronger opinions on.

Commence blogging about them.

I’ll begin a new tag here called language learnings (sometimes these thoughts barely have any connection to each other, so this will be the best encompassing tag).

Today I want to briefly go over a popular language app that I currently have a 653 learning streak. I’m proud of keeping the streak through a 3 week road trip within the wilderness, but I will say that I utilized their streak freeze option (that I also have to earn through learning at the same time).

Duolingo is great for those with some experience in a language.

It is fantastic for me to review both French and Mandarin, which both I have had some sort of formal training in. However it is very difficult to learn a new language from scratch from my experience.m I’m not sure if it’s because it is Korean itself that is difficult to learn on Duolingo or if it is any non-romance language. Through the French feature, I have seen how developed Duolingo can be (podcasts and interactive storylines in addition to daily practice), and have compared it to both Chinese and Korean. Both Chinese and Korean don’t use the Greek Alphabet and even between the two, Korean has it’s own alphabet while Mandarin… uses different characters for each word in addition to simplified words vs traditional (more complex characters). I use a different learning platform for Korean that has more distinct lessons.

It’s also really interesting to observe myself as I learn Korean now. I know how I learn better in this age (as well as have the patience), but I can definitely also feel how less absorbent my brain is now. 

Languages are truly fascinating, the grammar, the tones, and methods of communication. Slang and the jokes within each language. So interesting! Look out (listen out?) for more as I continue.

May 30, 2022
Thought Piece
0

one of the best joys in life

It’s been a personally sad and heavy month, so I want to talk about something on the completely different. 

Honestly this year, when I was feeling depressed, I thought a list of items that make me really happy would be really handy right about then. So since then, I’ve made it more of a goal to write down moments when I am feeling positive in some aspect.

You know what one of the greatest and specific joys in life are? Being an avid fan of a musical group.

Specifically being a fangirl. 

The movie Turning Red might show it the best. I will say that being an adult fangirl, previously a negative connotation due to patriarchal snobs, hits peak enjoyment. I have the giddy youthfulness enjoying the music and visuals, as well as the adult rationale to not go overboard in other areas. It’s really nice to not have the strange daydreams, but you never grow out of the chaotic thrill of seeing their posts, photos, and interactions. Merchandise and concert tickets are something that I can buy with my own money (I was about to label it as affordable, but I can’t say that is entirely true…), and I could still feel the excitement singing along to the live performance. It’s addicting in this world full of media, and the more popular they are, the more content there is as well. At my age, I am hoping that they also have a balance within their lives, catering to fans but also taking care of themselves first.

It’s almost nostalgic, being able to feel this way at least a decade later. Pure and uncomplicated joy. I’m glad that the world realized that it was judging woman (again) by looking down on fangirls, and now is much more inclusive to everyone. Music is already one of the best art forms, so to be able to listen and watch it while supporting good artists… pinnacle of enjoyment. It doesn’t have to take much, so that serotonin is never too far from access. 

Hope you get to experience this too internet friend.

May 3, 2022
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05.02.2022

While I am by no means talented at writing, I find it a good mechanism to sift through my thoughts and emotions. 

I was informed just half an hour ago about the leak that the Supreme Court’s draft opinion is to overturn Roe v. Wade.

I have never been so stunned and frightened at government news.

It’s been a rough few years being an Asian American woman for the past two years. There’s an entire movement to stop hate against your existence, you’re fighting with your fellow POC for equity and justice, and just doing your best to take care of your mental, physical, and emotion wellbeing.

This might be the first time my rights are directly affected. 

I know I live in the Northeast, in states that care, but the thought that my human rights can be decided by just 5 individuals.. it is horrifying and dystopian. 

There is a quote that keeps repeating itself in my head: “I can’t believe this country hates women more than it loves guns.”  – Diane Nguyen in Bojack Horseman Season 4 Episode 5. The topic surrounds women and gun control, however the first part is ringing loudly to me. I feel hated.

This tweet also summarizes how I feel. “This is an earthquake — for what it portends for the future not only of Roe, but of *all* implied fundamental rights” – @steve_vladeck

I know that conservatives are looking to undo many of the steps that have been made in the past decade. I just felt like talk was talk. Now that one human right is being revoked, anything could be next.

This is violence. 

I am furious. I am not alone.
I’m angry and hopeful that we will change the outcome.

March 7, 2022
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bittersweet adult realizations

i’m definitely not the first person to think of this or feel this way, but it’s surprising how much this thought has been gnawing inside me.

i am so grateful to keep meeting wonderful people that i become friends with and get to spend time with. whether that’s from work or spending time with friends who introduce me to their friends, it’s so nice and precious to be able to connect with others.

however, it feels like breaking off pieces of my heart and leaving them with others. the more i make connections in different areas, the more long distance relationships these create. 

i will never be in a place surrounded by all my loved ones ever again.

this sounds much more dramatic than it really is, all i mean is that i will always be missing someone.

it’s unlikely that i will ever live at home again. my friends on the west coast are unlikely to move to the east coast, and if i move to the west coast, then i leave my east coast friends. who knows where my significant other will end up going until settling down. 

what’s the big deal about missing someone too? it feels like the precursor to complete grief. these are relationships that i treasure, i’d love to have them near me always.

because i’m me, i need some sort of resolution to this feeling, or lesson. this is telling me to treasure the time i have with those physically close to me, and make the most of it. grab the moment and make those plans. see if you can make plans and experiences with the others that you love as well and celebrate these relationships.

the final piece is gratitude, i am feeling so grateful for the time already spent and the individuals for sharing themselves and time with me.

February 21, 2022
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sugar, spice, and everything ICE

every winter olympics I am blown away by figure skating.

I think ice skating is the closest thing that humans will have to flying.

I know there’s sky diving and trapeze acrobatics. Those are very realistic. There’s just something about dancing on ice that feels so ethereal and what I imagine flying to feel like.

Realistic flying is very physics-oriented and focused on breaking away from gravity.

Ice skating is low to the ground, yes. But what I’m trying to convey is how the two thin blades connecting you to the ground give you the feeling of traveling through the air without the interference of gravity’s pull. You only worry about keeping yourself upright and moving around, maybe a similar concern about staying upright at first with the slight fear of falling in the beginning. But the fear of falling is only as tall as you are.

I always imagined that flying would be almost like swimming but without the physics of water density. This is why ice skating is the more upright version of my imagined flying. Seeing animated movies where people danve in the air, looks nearly identical to how people dance on ice. (I’m sure the animators were inspired by figure-skating.) To be moving while not moving a muscle, that is how I imagine fantasy flying to be like.

The grace, the smooth movements, the wind flowing past… Watching figure skating is absolutely captivating. It is not only a sport with so much strength, but also entertainment. It is beautiful.

Having skated in public rinks once every couple of years, I understand the strength and flexibility required to even stay upright on the ice. To watch figure skating is such a treat with the dancing, and so much awe knowing how much training and muscle it takes to perform like that.

When I get on ice again with skates, I am reminded of how difficult it is to stay stable without consistent practice. Jumping, skating backwards, and spinning are beyond my current abilities (and I am unsure if I could ever achieve those in my age even with training).

Ultimately, this has been an ode to the sport and art of figure skating, and my confession to the joy that this brings to me in both the spectating and participating. Catch me wobbling around trying to get my ice legs back at my local public rink before the cold fades away!

February 18, 2022
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Dorothy Clarke-Rozier

Unfortunately the violence against women continues.

I was heartbroken again yesterday to learn that 50-year-old Dorothy Clarke-Rozier was stabbed without provocation.

Today, I turned to google to get more details, but when typing “woman from brooklyn stabbed” into the search bar, I was even more devastated to see multiple reports of different women assaulted, all from a day ago. 

It is so difficult for me to process innocent loss of life. 

People both in government and not, think that the solution is more police. Others including myself, vehemently disagree. In the workforce, the best way to solve a problem is to look at the root of the cause and address it. Putting a bandage to quickly fix the gashing wound does nothing to stop the continued slashing and bleeding.

The best crime prevention is to address what people need. Resources, shelter, stability. These past two years have been the most turbulent in change and are now resulting in rising costs of housing, groceries, and anything you can think of. Healthcare has been in critical need for so long, and only recently has there been a push for mental well-being. 

In many of the recent cases, mental health is in shaky condition and physical needs are not being met. People are suffering. This place in time makes it difficult for anyone to exist, no matter how well you are doing. It’s never ok to hurt others. There needs to be more accessible help to exist. I’m doing my best and trying to contribute where I can. It’s a balancing act, trying to maintain myself and my life, while also trying to do whatever else I can to help others. 

I once heard someone’s opinion where he said that he doesn’t mind paying taxes, he would just like the government to be more transparent with what they do with the money. I’m not sure what the solution is here on a larger scale, but I know there are a bunch of brilliant minds out there, so I’ll continue to search.

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